Sometimes life moves very fast. I got married in Dec. and then two days after our wedding, I got the biggest surprise of my life: I found out I was pregnant.
I was not the kind of person who dreamed of getting married or having a baby. Although, I knew I wanted someone special to share my life with, but the idea co-creating another living being inside my body was entirely overwhelming and something I simply could wrap my head around. It’s not that I didn’t want children, it’s more that I just couldn’t imagine it.
Now, 21 weeks into my pregnancy (due early August), I am still in disbelief when I catch the reflection of my swollen abdomen and breasts in the mirror. I think this daze is why I’ve had trouble finding the right words to express what I am feeling and why it’s taken me time to share this news.
My first trimester was a challenge, not so much physically (thankfully, no morning sickness), but emotionally. I felt ultra sensitive and confused. It’s like my brain hadn’t quite caught up to pace of the last year—reconnecting with Arturo, traveling, falling in love, being engaged, getting married and then boom, pregnant. I wanted to savour each moment and yet things were moving so darn fast. Maybe it was the hormones, but for some reason, this made me feel sad and guilty. Guilty because I know there are people struggling to find the right person and/or struggling to conceive and here I was getting it all… at once.
Deeply needed sabbatical
I came to Panama mid-February to be with Arturo, as he still has a business here. Free from a set schedule and away from the distractions of Montreal, I’ve been mentally catching up to my life. I’m focusing on eating well, exercising, resting when needed and rethinking where I want to go with my yoga teaching and with my Arbonne business, which is easiest to do remotely. It’s been a deeply needed sabbatical.
However, up until last week, I felt really exhausted and sluggish. I still managed to go to the gym and swim, but I was super tired and dizzy in a way that made me feel like a stranger to myself. Thankfully, I am now feeling more energized and clear and more me.
Observations & intentions
It’s interesting to observe the almost daily changes happening to my body and a great exercise in letting go of attachments to how I was before. Just since this past weekend, I started feeling the little monkey moving! So crazy to think that this body is housing two beings! These tiny dances are definitely the coolest part of this pregnancy so far.
My intention is to continue to write regularly about this journey and hopefully, share some insights. I am in Montreal Mar 31 – Apr. 14 and have several events planned. It’d be great to see you! (If you are not in Montreal, you can join online.)